Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Randomize
