I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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