careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
