before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So squirting runs in the family.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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