Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
