she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
