This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You can't just leave with hair like that
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
