Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize