Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
