end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
