they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
