i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize