So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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