I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I need a beard to bite.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize