would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
