Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
