Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
