ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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