guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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