am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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