Small penises have feelings too.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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