How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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