The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Randomize
