you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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