its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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