I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
