i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize