What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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