Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
