Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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