i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
