in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
