u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
