I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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