Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
