someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
