Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
