my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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