I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
