I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
