Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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