i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
