That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
