I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
