youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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