yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
