toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
