ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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