Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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