i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Every concussion has its silver lining
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
