so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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