I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
my poor anus
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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