ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
