Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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