That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
