You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
