It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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