Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
