This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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