im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
