Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
third nipple confirmed
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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