my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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