wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
