Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
