I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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