ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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