Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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