My room smells like vodka and shame
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
