Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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