the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
