I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
