i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
