You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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