What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just want to make out with him forever
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
