Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize