One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
