So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
